This post is overdue so I am sure it is meant for someone to read, because of the opposition I was up against to write it. I’ve always known that as a Christian faith is really important. Believing in God, and his ability to mover and deliver is at the forefront of Christianity. But faith became real for me in the NICU. The NICU taught me that faith is not passive but direct, powerful, purposeful and very intentional. I have shared with you in the past that my son overcame three illnesses and two surgeries. One of these illness/infection was very severe and it happened suddenly. Before I knew it, his nurse asked me if I wanted to have him baptized. At that moment, the holy spirit assured me that he would be fine, but when the doctor and nurse told me that it looked bleak, the enemy flooded my thoughts with doubt and despair, and I almost fed into the gloom and doom. My sister’s boyfriend reminded me that my prayers, energy, and faith could bring him through. Although approximately 40% of babies die from this infection, I declared that my son would not. He would be in the 60% category. I sat by his bedside, prayed, spoke life over him, and told him about God and the work he had in-store for him. This was my faith in action. I just couldn’t believe that God would deliver my son, so I had to declare it, pray it, and remind my son of it. I didn’t lose faith that my son’s life was a part of God’s divine plan. This moment taught me true, raw and tried faith.

Today I share with you that God wants our faith through action. He wants us not only to say we believe but mean it with all our hearts so much that the devil in hell can’t change your mind. Believing and having faith requires action. Spend time this week asking God to strengthen your faith. I am a witness that somewhere in your journey, God will require it.

I am naturally a person that keeps things to myself. Growing up my sisters even called me secret squirrel, because I always kept things to myself. Over the years, this hasn’t gotten much better. For various reason, I try to keep things to myself and do things myself. When I went on bedrest, my first instinct besides taking it all in, was to not bother anyone. I didn’t want people to worry about me, or ask me many personal questions. I was in the hospital for almost two weeks before I began to reach out, and let people know my situation. To my surprise, the outburst of love and support was amazing. I began to get cards, flowers, visits, text, phone calls and etc. When I went home to be on bed rest, some of my friends would bring my husband and me food, offer to run errands and clean the house. I was amazed, because I didn’t think people cared as much, or that I had formed close bonds. Even now I still have friends that reach out to me on a weekly basis and offer assistance.

From this process, I learned how to allow people into my space, and accept their help. I learned that it’s OK to share, and not be so afraid of people judging me or my situation. I learned that although I may not have a lot of family here, I have a community. A community of people who genuinely cares about me, and want to help if I only open myself up to it.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

I have been lifted by my community, and have learned that it is ok to open and let people in.

As a child, one of my favorite poems was Footprints. This poem described a metaphor of a person walking with God on the beach. The person recalls two sets of footprints signifying that God is always walking with her. But when the journey became difficult, and she experienced some obstacles, she no longer saw two sets of footprints—just one. She was perplexed because God told her that he would always walk with her. When she asked God why there was only one set of footprints during the most difficult times, God replied that when the journey was to difficult, he carried her.
This poem means so much more to during this chapter of my life than it has ever before. There are still days that I become overwhelmed with this journey. I feel weak and helpless. I literally tell God that I can’t make it through the day. God often reminds me that in my weakness he becomes strong. In those moments when I declare my weakness those footprints in the sand go from two to one.
Society teaches us that we should always be strong and never show any weakness—especially as women. But in our Christian journey, the only way to become strong in Christ is to confess your weaknesses. 2 Corinthians 12:9 declares God saying “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

If you are in a place in your life where you want to see the power of God, you need to declare to God your weaknesses. Be open, honest, and blunt with him. Believe me, if anyone can take it, it’s God! Allow God to carry you in your time of weakness, and rebuild yourself in areas where you have been torn down. This journey is for the fastest, or the strongest, but for the one who holds out to the perfect end.

Still being carried

Felicia Smith

I spent years claiming gratefulness. I was grateful for my house, job, health, car, and mostly high level things. Since my son has been in the NICU, he has been through a surgery and two major sick spells—the-second, the dangerous of the two . From him, I have learned the meaning of baby steps. Each time he recovers, I learned how to be grateful for the little progress he would make. He has again  opened his eyes, had a few bowel movements, and his blood pressure has now stabilized. With each one, I was fill with gratitude. I learned that gratitude actually gave me peace of mind. In instance  when the enemy tried to cause me  to worry, I would just remember all of the progress  and things that I am grateful for and then I feel that everything will be alright.

Having a spirit of gratefulness not only reminds us of the journey, but gives us the peace we need to continue. I’ve learned that true gratefulness is more than the big achievements,  but each small baby step along the journey. Always remember the baby steps, and where God has brought you from and through.

True gratefulness and peace

Felicia Smith

I have always counted it a blessing that God speaks to me. I know in my spirit when he is giving me directions. But it is only when I am open to hear that he speaks to me. At the beginning of each year, God shares with me what the year will hold. He tells me if the year will bring joy, pain, happiness or heartache. He also tells me what I will need to concentrate on. At the beginning of 2016, God revealed to me that this year would be hard, but I had to be determine to keep going. I remembered the word determine specifically stuck with me. I couldn’t have imagined that the journey would be so challenging.

In February, my husband and I went in for a routine ultrasound to check on my baby boy. Two hours later, I was admitted to the hospital’s High Risk Pregnancy Floor (HRP) and was placed on bed rest. I was in a daze and confused. How could this be? I feel fine? For three weeks, I was in the hospital being closely monitor to make sure I did not go into preterm labor. I was devastated. My devastation got in the way of me hearing God’s voice. I would cry and get so upset. Why is this happening to me? My husband would remind me “what did God tell you? You got to stay determine and this is bigger than us.” I did not want to hear that. In a time when I should have really been hearing God’s voice, I wasn’t, because I was letting the circumstance paralyze me. After finally leaving the hospital and being placed on bed rest at home, my water broke three days later. My husband drove me to the hospital around 4 a.m. that Friday morning, and 4:54 p.m., my beautiful baby boy, Jeremiah-Mark Smith (JM) was born premature. He was admitted into the NICU and my journey began. Everyday came with struggles and challenges. Just when I thought JM was on a road to recovery, another obstacle would come. I would get so overwhelmed with stress that my body would literally shut down. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I am not in control. During this time, I began to quiet myself and hear the voice of God. As I sat in my son’s room in the NICU or in the middle of the night while pumping milk, God would speak to me. He would tell me if my day was going to be challenging or full of emotions, but he would always remind that I would make it through. In the instance when I become so overwhelmed and tell God that I can’t take any more, he would remind me that I can and will. In the midst of my storms and challenges, the spoken word of God was and is the only thing I could hang my hat on. Quieting myself has become a routine part of my life now because without hearing God speak, I cannot make it through this journey.

No matter what test you go through, just know that God is their listening and he really wants to speak to you. However, the only way he can speak is when you quiet your spirit, pray, read your bible and listen to the spirit of God speak to your spirit. Whatever you are going through right now whether big or small, God wants to speak to you. He wants to inform you of your destiny. He wants to be included in you deciding which route you will choose. He wants to speak to you.

Still listening,

Felicia Smith

I remember it was late 2015 and my life was really in transition. I just finished grad school and was trying to determine my next move. I sacrifice a lot being in grad school, and one of those things was my relationship with God. I could feel that my spiritual relationship had changed. I was not so hungry or as on fire for God as I once was. I attended church, but I wasn’t feeling connected. I would pray but it was the same old script with no real purpose behind it. I had become lukewarm.

I knew that my life needed a transition. I prayed to God and ask him for a couple of things:

1. I wanted to start a family with my husband
2. I wanted him to reveal to me who I am, and to strengthen my heart toward him
3. Renew the fire and passion in me

A month later, I was pregnant. I was excited but afraid. I was afraid of miscarrying, and the fear almost paralyzed me, and took away my joy. I began to see that while pregnant, I was a control freak. I had spent the majority of last year or so, thinking I was in control and called the shots in my life. Nonetheless, being pregnant was something I had never experienced before, and I had no control over the situation. God began to show me that I relied more on myself than him, and when I couldn’t control a situation, fear and anxiety ruled over. I would often be reminded of Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

However, because my relationship with God wasn’t strong, the reciting of the scripture didn’t bring me as much solace, because I still wanted to control the situation. I had to study and seek the face of God first. I had to surrender my life and everything in it to his control.

By the end of my first trimester, I was getting back on track, and I thought the lesson was done. Little did I know this was just the beginning. The more that I seek God and petition the heavens to mold me, the more I made the enemy angry. In the words of Luke 22, the enemy desired to shift me as wheat. He wanted to show me more than anyone else who I wasn’t so that I couldn’t become who I am destined to be. The enemy had declared war………

I know that God hears. Jeremiah 29:13 explains the first lesson that this journey taught me

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This is how my son Jeremiah-Mark got his name because through carrying him I found God in so many ways. Always know that God hears your every prayer, moan, and groan. When you seek him he will always show up even if it’s in a way you had not imagined

Still learning NICU lessons,

Felicia Smith

Hello

It’s been a while since I have blogged. I only blog when I am given something from God, and boy has he given me so much to blog about recently. Although my journey is not done, the things he has taught me thus far, I must share. So over the next several weeks, I will take you on a journey of all the lessons I have learned in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Fairfax Hospital

The journey began on March 4, 2016, when I delivered my handsome son named Jeremiah-Mark Smith. Jeremiah-Mark (JM) was born 10 weeks premature and was admitted to the NICU. This became the greatest challenge of my life, because I could not control the situation. It was all up to my baby boy. I immediately learned that this wasn’t a physical battle, but a spiritual one that placed me on my knees. I began to pray constantly and talk to God. Through my time with God and my son, I am not the same women as I was 32 days ago. God completely interrupted my life and planted so much in me. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, there are things that I now know for sure, and I plan to share with you as we go on our journey. What I know for sure is that God hears, and God speaks He is in control, prayer changes everything, and the battle isn’t physical. Each week I will go into depth on the topics above, and share my story. My prayer is that this journey is a blessing to you. I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Still learning,

Felicia Smith

I am less than a week away from thirty and my heart is heavy. Not because I am sad but because I have been heavily reflecting on who I am and who I have become. My greatest influence next to my mother was my granny, the late Sadie Polite. She was an amazing woman and sometimes I miss her so much that it hurts. My time of reflection would not be complete without reflecting on the lessons she taught me. With that being said the next five-blogs’ topics will feature lessons I learned from my granny.

One of the things my granny always said to me was to be a good little girl. It didn’t matter how old I was to, my granny, I was a little girl. She always encouraged me to do the right thing, follow the rules, and be an example of a well-raised child. I never thought that on the verge of thirty, I would be reminded of these words that my granny always told me. There have been many opportunities both professionally and personally where I could have been dishonest or played the game in a way that wouldn’t have been pleasing in the sight of God. However, I am always reminded to be a good little girl and to do what is required and not take the easy way out. I have to do the right things and plant good seeds because in due season I will reap what I sow. Granny taught me to be honest and to walk with integrity, and even today, I am still trying to be granny’s good little girl.

Lesson 17: Be a Good Little Girl.

I saw a quote that literally stopped me in my tracks. The quote by the late Maya Angelou states, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” This quote was powerful to me because I noticed that at work, I was easily annoyed or moved by things that would change my attitude and perception. These things that would bug me I couldn’t change and my attitude couldn’t change it either. It bothered me that I was bothered or moved by things that I really had no control over. There was too much at work or in life to be done by me that I couldn’t afford to waste time being moved by the actions of others. So when I saw that quote it became clear to me that the problem was no longer the issue or circumstance that I was experiencing. No, the problem was me! I didn’t like the circumstance but I could not allow something that I could not control to shift my atmosphere and change my attitude. I learned that I have to steadfast and focus my energy on changing the things I can change and just accept the things that I can’t change.

Lesson 16: Accept what God allows.

The late Maya Angelou is someone that I think was very profound. Her words of wisdom will live forever. One thing that she said that has stuck with me for years is “Its none of your business what people say about you when you are not in the room.” When I first saw this quote, I said this couldn’t be true. I needed to know. I needed to know how I am perceived and viewed by others. But as I got older, I realized that some things that are said about you even if you heard it, it would not help you to become a better person. I had to realize that what people say about me is not what makes me who I am but what I say and believe about myself is what makes me Felicia. The opinions of others are just their opinions. Although some opinions may be constructive and helpful, in time God will reveal those things and give me the chance to work on them. At the end of the day, who I am is not predicated on the opinions of others so its none of my business.

Lesson 15: “Its none of your business what people say about you when you are not around.” Maya Angelou