Hey ladies it’s been a while, but my plan is to blog more often and share what God has placed in my spirit.  It’s been a week of deep reflection. My son turns one-year-old this Saturday and I am so excited! As some of you know, my son was born premature at 27 weeks weighing 2lbs and 4ozs. I was just looking through my drawers and I saw his first preemie diaper and it blew my mind. Some people will say as time goes on the memory of your NICU days will fade away, but that hasn’t been the case for me. I remember those days like they were yesterday and to be honest, I don’t want to ever forget them because they have shaped me and my marriage to this amazing place it is right now. My son didn’t have it easy. He had to fight to live every day. He went through three operations and to the operating room five times. He had a premature sickness that 50-70% of the children die from, but Jeremiah-Mark was determined to be the 30%. I am amazed by him and his strength and how no matter the challenges, he was determined to bounce back. 228 days in the NICU and every day he exceeded expectations. He’s really my hero!

But as I look back on those 228 days, I am reminded of my spiritual journey. I prayed and prayed and it was the greatest test of my faith. There were days when I prayed, worried, and questioned my faith. I knew what God had told me, but standing on that word and living it was difficult when you witness the life leaving your baby over and over again! What was amazing was I would share with my husband what God told me and how all I had left was to believe in his word. But man, the moment I told him that, the devil attacked me because he wanted me to give up on God. I remembered when my sons had to be resuscitated daily for about 7 days. On day three I broke. Everything in me was angry and wanted to give up. I no longer wanted to pray or even knew how to pray because my heart felt like it was in pieces. I was weak and in my mind, this was the last straw. As I looked into my husband’s eyes I told him I couldn’t take anymore.  I was weak and I couldn’t pray. He looked at me and he reminded me of everything God told me and how God was going to deliver our son. He prayed when I couldn’t pray. This will always be a defining moment of my life and our married. My husband is not super spiritual but he stood in agreement on what God told me and the moment that I began to doubt the Lord, he reminded me of who God was and what he told me. I look back on the times I prayed and ask God for a husband or a companion and I remember one night in particular when I told God I needed a best friend that I can go through and share who wouldn’t judge me, but love me in my weakest moments and God honored that pray. How I met my husband wasn’t the way I thought and the birth of my son wasn’t the way I imagined but both turned out to be the most amazing works of God.

So, as you can see I’m in deep thought and in a mode of gratefulness because I know that God is faithful! So I encourage you, my sisters, to open your heart to God and tell him your deepest desires but also be prepared for it not to look the way you think or go the way you plan. But just trust in him and it will be worth the journey!

He continues to blow my mind!