I have always counted it a blessing that God speaks to me. I know in my spirit when he is giving me directions. But it is only when I am open to hear that he speaks to me. At the beginning of each year, God shares with me what the year will hold. He tells me if the year will bring joy, pain, happiness or heartache. He also tells me what I will need to concentrate on. At the beginning of 2016, God revealed to me that this year would be hard, but I had to be determine to keep going. I remembered the word determine specifically stuck with me. I couldn’t have imagined that the journey would be so challenging.

In February, my husband and I went in for a routine ultrasound to check on my baby boy. Two hours later, I was admitted to the hospital’s High Risk Pregnancy Floor (HRP) and was placed on bed rest. I was in a daze and confused. How could this be? I feel fine? For three weeks, I was in the hospital being closely monitor to make sure I did not go into preterm labor. I was devastated. My devastation got in the way of me hearing God’s voice. I would cry and get so upset. Why is this happening to me? My husband would remind me “what did God tell you? You got to stay determine and this is bigger than us.” I did not want to hear that. In a time when I should have really been hearing God’s voice, I wasn’t, because I was letting the circumstance paralyze me. After finally leaving the hospital and being placed on bed rest at home, my water broke three days later. My husband drove me to the hospital around 4 a.m. that Friday morning, and 4:54 p.m., my beautiful baby boy, Jeremiah-Mark Smith (JM) was born premature. He was admitted into the NICU and my journey began. Everyday came with struggles and challenges. Just when I thought JM was on a road to recovery, another obstacle would come. I would get so overwhelmed with stress that my body would literally shut down. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I am not in control. During this time, I began to quiet myself and hear the voice of God. As I sat in my son’s room in the NICU or in the middle of the night while pumping milk, God would speak to me. He would tell me if my day was going to be challenging or full of emotions, but he would always remind that I would make it through. In the instance when I become so overwhelmed and tell God that I can’t take any more, he would remind me that I can and will. In the midst of my storms and challenges, the spoken word of God was and is the only thing I could hang my hat on. Quieting myself has become a routine part of my life now because without hearing God speak, I cannot make it through this journey.

No matter what test you go through, just know that God is their listening and he really wants to speak to you. However, the only way he can speak is when you quiet your spirit, pray, read your bible and listen to the spirit of God speak to your spirit. Whatever you are going through right now whether big or small, God wants to speak to you. He wants to inform you of your destiny. He wants to be included in you deciding which route you will choose. He wants to speak to you.

Still listening,

Felicia Smith