I spent years claiming gratefulness. I was grateful for my house, job, health, car, and mostly high level things. Since my son has been in the NICU, he has been through a surgery and two major sick spells—the-second, the dangerous of the two . From him, I have learned the meaning of baby steps. Each time he recovers, I learned how to be grateful for the little progress he would make. He has again  opened his eyes, had a few bowel movements, and his blood pressure has now stabilized. With each one, I was fill with gratitude. I learned that gratitude actually gave me peace of mind. In instance  when the enemy tried to cause me  to worry, I would just remember all of the progress  and things that I am grateful for and then I feel that everything will be alright.

Having a spirit of gratefulness not only reminds us of the journey, but gives us the peace we need to continue. I’ve learned that true gratefulness is more than the big achievements,  but each small baby step along the journey. Always remember the baby steps, and where God has brought you from and through.

True gratefulness and peace

Felicia Smith

I have always counted it a blessing that God speaks to me. I know in my spirit when he is giving me directions. But it is only when I am open to hear that he speaks to me. At the beginning of each year, God shares with me what the year will hold. He tells me if the year will bring joy, pain, happiness or heartache. He also tells me what I will need to concentrate on. At the beginning of 2016, God revealed to me that this year would be hard, but I had to be determine to keep going. I remembered the word determine specifically stuck with me. I couldn’t have imagined that the journey would be so challenging.

In February, my husband and I went in for a routine ultrasound to check on my baby boy. Two hours later, I was admitted to the hospital’s High Risk Pregnancy Floor (HRP) and was placed on bed rest. I was in a daze and confused. How could this be? I feel fine? For three weeks, I was in the hospital being closely monitor to make sure I did not go into preterm labor. I was devastated. My devastation got in the way of me hearing God’s voice. I would cry and get so upset. Why is this happening to me? My husband would remind me “what did God tell you? You got to stay determine and this is bigger than us.” I did not want to hear that. In a time when I should have really been hearing God’s voice, I wasn’t, because I was letting the circumstance paralyze me. After finally leaving the hospital and being placed on bed rest at home, my water broke three days later. My husband drove me to the hospital around 4 a.m. that Friday morning, and 4:54 p.m., my beautiful baby boy, Jeremiah-Mark Smith (JM) was born premature. He was admitted into the NICU and my journey began. Everyday came with struggles and challenges. Just when I thought JM was on a road to recovery, another obstacle would come. I would get so overwhelmed with stress that my body would literally shut down. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I am not in control. During this time, I began to quiet myself and hear the voice of God. As I sat in my son’s room in the NICU or in the middle of the night while pumping milk, God would speak to me. He would tell me if my day was going to be challenging or full of emotions, but he would always remind that I would make it through. In the instance when I become so overwhelmed and tell God that I can’t take any more, he would remind me that I can and will. In the midst of my storms and challenges, the spoken word of God was and is the only thing I could hang my hat on. Quieting myself has become a routine part of my life now because without hearing God speak, I cannot make it through this journey.

No matter what test you go through, just know that God is their listening and he really wants to speak to you. However, the only way he can speak is when you quiet your spirit, pray, read your bible and listen to the spirit of God speak to your spirit. Whatever you are going through right now whether big or small, God wants to speak to you. He wants to inform you of your destiny. He wants to be included in you deciding which route you will choose. He wants to speak to you.

Still listening,

Felicia Smith

I remember it was late 2015 and my life was really in transition. I just finished grad school and was trying to determine my next move. I sacrifice a lot being in grad school, and one of those things was my relationship with God. I could feel that my spiritual relationship had changed. I was not so hungry or as on fire for God as I once was. I attended church, but I wasn’t feeling connected. I would pray but it was the same old script with no real purpose behind it. I had become lukewarm.

I knew that my life needed a transition. I prayed to God and ask him for a couple of things:

1. I wanted to start a family with my husband
2. I wanted him to reveal to me who I am, and to strengthen my heart toward him
3. Renew the fire and passion in me

A month later, I was pregnant. I was excited but afraid. I was afraid of miscarrying, and the fear almost paralyzed me, and took away my joy. I began to see that while pregnant, I was a control freak. I had spent the majority of last year or so, thinking I was in control and called the shots in my life. Nonetheless, being pregnant was something I had never experienced before, and I had no control over the situation. God began to show me that I relied more on myself than him, and when I couldn’t control a situation, fear and anxiety ruled over. I would often be reminded of Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

However, because my relationship with God wasn’t strong, the reciting of the scripture didn’t bring me as much solace, because I still wanted to control the situation. I had to study and seek the face of God first. I had to surrender my life and everything in it to his control.

By the end of my first trimester, I was getting back on track, and I thought the lesson was done. Little did I know this was just the beginning. The more that I seek God and petition the heavens to mold me, the more I made the enemy angry. In the words of Luke 22, the enemy desired to shift me as wheat. He wanted to show me more than anyone else who I wasn’t so that I couldn’t become who I am destined to be. The enemy had declared war………

I know that God hears. Jeremiah 29:13 explains the first lesson that this journey taught me

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This is how my son Jeremiah-Mark got his name because through carrying him I found God in so many ways. Always know that God hears your every prayer, moan, and groan. When you seek him he will always show up even if it’s in a way you had not imagined

Still learning NICU lessons,

Felicia Smith

Hello

It’s been a while since I have blogged. I only blog when I am given something from God, and boy has he given me so much to blog about recently. Although my journey is not done, the things he has taught me thus far, I must share. So over the next several weeks, I will take you on a journey of all the lessons I have learned in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Fairfax Hospital

The journey began on March 4, 2016, when I delivered my handsome son named Jeremiah-Mark Smith. Jeremiah-Mark (JM) was born 10 weeks premature and was admitted to the NICU. This became the greatest challenge of my life, because I could not control the situation. It was all up to my baby boy. I immediately learned that this wasn’t a physical battle, but a spiritual one that placed me on my knees. I began to pray constantly and talk to God. Through my time with God and my son, I am not the same women as I was 32 days ago. God completely interrupted my life and planted so much in me. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, there are things that I now know for sure, and I plan to share with you as we go on our journey. What I know for sure is that God hears, and God speaks He is in control, prayer changes everything, and the battle isn’t physical. Each week I will go into depth on the topics above, and share my story. My prayer is that this journey is a blessing to you. I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Still learning,

Felicia Smith