I have always been big on words. Besides the fact that words have power, they also require action. To me, people can say a lot of things but their actions are where the wheel hits the road. I remember in my early twenties, I relied on the words of others. If you said you would be there, I believed it and if you don’t show up I was devastated. I thought that everyone live by their words. As I got older it was even more important for me to be impeccable with my words because I realized how devastating it can be when someone is depending on me to come through or be there because I told them I would. It also meant I had to be more careful of the commitments I make. I can’t be everything to everyone but when I committed I would move oceans to be there. Because my word means something. 

Lesson 12: Be Impeccable with your word. 

I have always been a crier. My mom said as a baby, I cried the most and even now it is the emotion that I use a lot. Recently, I figure I would cut back on the crying and use other emotions. We went to get items out of our car that had been just totaled a few days ago and out of nowhere, all types of emotion came over me. At the same time, I felt blessed, traumatized, and relieved. I decided to try a breathing exercise to calm myself instead of crying and I must admit, it worked for about 3 mins. However, the emotions were still deep inside of me and the only way I knew how to release them were with a good cry! I soon realized that it was ok cry. The crying released all of the emotions and it felt like a cleansing to my spirit. I realized that as much as it ruined my make-up, crying was good for me because it removed the buildup emotions inside of me and allowed me to move on. Crying is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. It takes strength to tap into your emotions, heal and, cleanse yourself.

Lesson 11: It’s ok to have a good cry!

Today I use my blog to pay tribute to two of the greatest years of my life. Those two years have been spent married to my husband. My husband and I are very alike but very different. I have high strung and he is calm. I can sometimes be anti social and he is a social butterfly. But the greatest lesson he has taught me is patience. He taught me that it’s ok not to be in a hurry and to take my time. It’s ok not to always be in hurry because each moment is special and should be enjoyed. He has taught me to live. 
Lesson 10: Just live every moment

In my twenties some of my friendships have changed. I realized that’s apart of growing and evolving. However, the lost of one friendship taught me a really valuable lesson. When the friendship ended there was much conversation, but the things that were said, personally, I didn’t believe were true. I had a hard time recognizing the person I was painted to be. At first, I was taken aback and hurt because in my mind I was a great friend. However, after I stepped back, I realized that there wasn’t a right or wrong and everyone involved in this had their truth. But because their truth was different from mine, that didn’t make it null and void. Two people having different truths were ok because it is their experience. This revelation didn’t bring the friendship back but it taught me to always respect the experiences/truth of others whether I agreed or disagreed because it’s not my job to validate the truth but to understand the truth and then try to move forward if possible.

Lesson 9: my truth and experience are valid and so are yours.

I can remember when I turned 21. Everything was so perfect. I was graduating from college, my ideal body size, and ready to rule the world. As my twenties progressed so did my body. It changed dramatically and some of it made me very uncomfortable. I mean, I had been the same size since 7th grade. I had dresses that I bought in high school that I wore to my first job. But now at ages 26, 27, 28, and even 29, things were not as they use to be. I struggled with looking in the mirror and not being that same size I was at 21. I knew I needed to make a change so I did. I started using my gym membership and begun to take classes. My body transforms and everyone said I looked great but I when I looked in the mirror, I wasn’t the Felicia I was at 21. After a year of chasing the dream of being the Felicia I was 8 years ago, I realized that I needed to accept myself.  Accept me with all the changes and flaws. I needed to love the Felicia I am now because I may never see the Felicia at 21 again. As I thought about it, I finally realized that was a good thing. At 29 I am the healthiest and fit that I have ever been. My diet is awesome and I enjoy working out. I realized that there is nothing wrong with Felicia at age 29. She has grown and become a woman that she could be proud of. So today I pledge to be comfortable in the Felicia at age 29 skin because she has become so much more than Felicia at age 21-28.

Lesson 8: I am comfortable with who I am today and never comparing my former self to the new, improved and matured me

Anyone who knows me know that I am a planner. I am always thinking about the next step and the choices that come with that next step. Sometimes it was so bad because I would become so consumed with the future that I really didn’t enjoy the present. When I met my husband and we were dating I was so nervous because I knew I loved him early and I was concerned about the future possibilities and options associated with this relationship. After many days of contemplation I read a quote from Oprah Winfrey that changed my life.

Breathe. Let Go and remind yourself that this moment is the only one you know for sure. 

That quote changed me for good from that moment on. Although I am still a planner, I realized that I cannot stress about the possibilities and options of the future. But I can focus on what today brings and what I know for sure. This concept settled my heart, mind and spirit.

Lesson 7: I will live each day relishing on the things I know for sure.

There are people that I consider close to me who have labored in this journey called life. They have seen the real Felicia. When my sisters or mom say things to me and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I listen and evaluate myself because I know they have my best interest at heart. Then, there are people who don’t really know me but have only seen me in passing. These are people I may have met at work or school. Although they may have interacted with me they have not experience the depths of who I am. The thoughts and feelings of those people are welcomed but not always warranted or true. They may have biases or other factors that play into their assessment and perhaps it does not take into account the total me. It used to bother me what people who didn’t know me thought of me and their judgments. What I have learned is in any suggestion, judgment, or criticism, I have to consider the source. Every source I shouldn’t take to heart because they have not gotten the opportunity to see me in totality or the intention for providing feedback may not be pure. Whenever someone offers feedback, suggestions, or criticism about me, I just consider the source and intent. This is still an ongoing battle. But I always take the time to not dismiss but evaluate all the factors and then make a decision to accept or reject it. Every comment does not warrant action remembering that everyone cannot perceive who you are.

Lesson 6: I have to consider the source in which my feedback comes and assess how much I am willing to change. Every comment does not warrant action.

One of my favorite inspirational speeches is written by Marianne Williamson’s “Our Greatest Fear” The last part of this amazing speech says

You are a child of God.

 Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give

other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

We have all experienced times in our lives where we didn’t want other to feel intimidated or offended by our intelligence or talents so we “dimmed our light.” We don’t want to seem like we are bragging, boasting or better than others. I know there were many conversations or things I didn’t share with people that were close to me because I didn’t want to be perceived as thinking I was better. But what I have learned is the talents and gifts that God gave me are not to be “dimmed” but to shine. It is ok to excel. Perhaps everyone will not receive the gifts well but there will be others that my gifts will challenge them to be better and strive for higher goals. I have learned that I was created to let my light shine and so are you.

Lesson 5: Keep your lights on high beams!

Over the past 10 years, a lot has changed including my relationships and friendships. When I was in my early twenties, I would hold on to every relationship for dear life whether it was healthy or not. I thought that if I worked hard at it and gave it a valiant effort, every relationship and friendship could be repaired. But as I got older, I realized that all friendships were not made to last. Some people were in my life for a season and that was ok. I should never force a square peg into a round hole. I have learned that it is ok to lose friendships and relationships. Because the lost of those relationships make room for other God sent relationships.

Lesson 4: it’s ok to let go of seasonal friendships and relationships.

“And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” Luke 9:5

Over the past ten years, there have been many evolutions of me. Who is Felicia? My taste and enjoyment of foods have changed. My thoughts on certain subjects like religion and politics have changed and my relationships with friends have changed. But there are certain aspects of me that have stayed consistent. All of these aspects of me are not positive and I can be really hard on myself to become a better person each day. However, there are pieces of me that no matter how hard I try, I cannot change. These are the unique pieces that make Felicia who she is. Although I may not like all of these pieces, they are apart of me. I have learned to accept the good, the bad and the ugly of me because it’s me. Once I learned how to accept all of me, I became much more comfortable in my own skin and worked even harder to be the best Felicia that I know how to be—flawed and all!

Lesson 4: You have to accept yourself for who you are—flawed and all!